Good Friday

It's been a while since I last came here! I'm glad I found the motivation to come back here again!

A big part is probably due to the time off I got from work yesterday.

So yesterday was Good Friday and I got a day off from work! I have no work thing to worry about (well I did received a few calls and replied a few emails....workaholic colleagues and acquaintances I have here)

It was a good time off, had a really laid back day, mom came later in the evening, had dinner with her and ran errands with her. Then I head off to PenHOP. When I entered, it was the yet so familiar song that is really close to my heart. "Hear I am to worship", when I heard this song I knew something will stir up my heart tonight.

Alan came up and talk after a moment of worship. It was good! He asked us to write down our confession. To ask God to reveal what is in our heart that we are not aware off. It was what I needed. I started off staring at the paper for a really long time, thinking that I have nothing much to write (I am such a holy person, you know lol). Slowly but surely, God reveal. So much to unpack here. He brought me back to the time where I had a heartbroken moment.  I tried to ignore it by filling my mind with many things (well I was heading to a camp the next day so packing was what I did mostly). However, I wasn't being very productive (packing has always been my forte thanks to the frequent travelling I had when I was in Canada). It took me the whole day to pack and I was no where close to done. I couldn't focus, my mind kept going back and forth between thinking of it and and trying to pack. Finally, in the middle of the night, I stopped everything and admitted to God that I had a broken heart and asked Him to heal me. "Didn't you pray for an answer, this is the answer to your prayer, it's just not the way you were hoping it to be. Just because it's not the answer you wanted, doesn't nullify the fact that it is the answer." was what I received from Him. At that moment, instant peace landed on my heart and after sending a text, my whole heart was at peace and I finished packing within the next 20min! Lesson learned: God can only heal a broken heart if you admit that it is broken. 

Anyways a little bit out of tangent but I will get to where I am getting. God reveled that moment I had in Canada and it brought me down to my knees. Not that I had a a broken heart this time but He revealed things that hindered me from getting closer to Him. No matter how good the seed it, it will not grow as well if the soil isn't at its optimum state. If the clay isn't ready, the potter can't make a beautiful clay art out of it. To allow God to work fully in my heart, I had to ensure my heart is open and ready for Him to work with. After writing down my confession, I went down on my knees and surrendered. I believe what we do outwardly changes the heart inwardly as well. I gather the courage to walk to the cross and knelt in front of the cross, tore the paper down and left it at the cross (technically in the confession bin so I didn't litter guys, if that's what you're wondering). The act of surrendering and tearing the confession slip lifted up so much from my heart instantly without me realizing until I went and say hi to a Rachel B. My heart felt so heavy when I entered the prayer room but was so light after that. I was able to worship Him with my whole heart and received revelation when we were called to meditate on a scripture! I felt His presence stronger and my heart was tender again. God is good.

Which lead me to writing this blog. The initial intention of posting a blog was to just post the poem that hit me in the middle of the night just as I was getting ready for bed. *To be continued in the next post. heehee*

Thank you Papa, for making my heart tender to Your words again. You are so so so loving and forever gracious to me. What else can I do other than offering this heart completely to You? I love You and I will glorified Your name all the days of my life. Lord, please hold me to my word and strengthen me as time goes on. I want to finish the race strong and I know that I will if I cling on to You and stay close to You. For You are the reason this race was even possible to begin with. Thank You Papa! In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

On a side note, I was looking up images to make this post a prettier and easier on the eyes (taking into consideration how short people's attention spans are, I know mine is), I types admit and the definition revealed even more things to me. Hence this side note.

so here it goes!

[Screenshot from Google]

So admitted is defined as an act of confessing something that is true. This is the standard definition that I know off. However, admit also means to allow (someone) to enter a place. So in other words, by admitting our sins, we admit God into our heart. *mindblown*

Keep loving!
Hexie